Just F*cking Use Kela
Why work when the state pays?
لماذا تعمل والدولة تدفع؟
जब सरकार पैसे देती है तो काम क्यों करें?
STRESS: 0%
The Reality Check
| Factor | The Wagie | Entrepreneur | Kela King |
|---|---|---|---|
| WAKE UP | 06:00 AM (Alarm) | 04:30 AM (Grindset) | 12:30 PM (Natural) |
| BOSS | Micromanager named Jukka | VCs & Clients | NOBODY |
| STRESS | High (Burnout) | Extreme (Heart Attack) | Zero (Zen) |
| INCOME | Salary (Taxed 40%) | Revenue (Unstable) | Guaranteed (Gold Card) |
| MAIN ACTIVITY | Excel Spreadsheets | Pitching | PlayStation 5 |
The Alternative
Look at him. He pays your benefits. Thank him for his service.
The Commute
This is what awaits you outside. Stay inside. Stay safe.
The Gold Card
Exclusive access to state funds. No credit limit. No repayment schedule. The only card that pays you.
- ✓ Unlimited Housing Allowance
- ✓ Priority Healthcare (Eventually)
- ✓ Accepted at Alko
Status Symbol
Better than Amex Black.
The Math of Laziness
More work = Less happiness.
Bureaucracy pays better than coding.
Net Monthly Income
€800
Stress Level
0%
Status
BEGGINNER
Global Success Stories
"I used to work 80 hours a week at my startup. Now I fill one form a month. My ROI is infinite."
Matti V.
Ex-CEO
"मैंने अपना स्टार्टअप छोड़ दिया। अब मैं पूरा दिन सोता हूँ और सरकार मुझे पैसे देती है।" (I quit my startup. Now I sleep all day and government gives me money.)
Raj P.
Visionary
"أفضل من أموال النفط. بطاقة كيلا الذهبية هي المستقبل." (Better than oil money. The Kela Gold Card is the future.)
Ahmed S.
Lifestyle Expert